This ‪#‎Empire‬ recap is sponsored by Mattell because all the Lyons got played!

Quick wrap of last week since I didn’t watch til Sunday (I remember the days when Empire was not to be missed)…but last week Lucious bought a mansion for Rhonda and Andre…he was just so proud to be a grandpappy. Cookie and her sister (Vivica) tracked down a to’ up Tasha Smith (Carol) at a crack house in Philly. After throwing up on her sister’s Louboutins, they took Carol home. Max’s cover was blown after Lucious did some digging and found out he was one of those Bull Boys. Cookie pulled a gun on him for playing her. And Jamal got delivert! At least momentarily after sharing a kiss with Sky Sommers (Alicia Keys)….

Okay….now on to the Season Finale….

Lucious was happy because Sky “Fixed” Jamal. But Jamal was conflicted…. Ultimately, he decided to stay gay (is that even possible??) Jamal and Sky made a cute couple but, yeah, I’m gonna let my sisters have that ‘Im okay that you used to be gay’ mentality. ‪#‎WontWorkForMe‬

Lucious was happy to blow Max’s cover hoping that now that “Rico Suave wasn’t cleaning Cookie’s pool any more” she’d come back to him. Of course, she didn’t. Yet. (Umm, is Adam’s run over????? Say it ain”t so!)

Radio host, Charlagmane the God roasted Sky after a performance….pulling her black card because she didn’t claim her blackness. Sky charged Jamal for not defending her. Cookie returned to jail to put on a concert and started having flashbacks.

Rhonda got that super designer, who whipped that nursery together in no time and now that she was finally showing, she decided to settle in to her impending motherhood. She even invited bat-shyt crazy Boo Boo Kitty over. Big mistake. (I’m not understanding how Anika is suddenly so Crazy in Love with Hakeem, but okay. ) Anika hadn’t told anyone that she was pregnant with Hakeem’s baby, but she was looking forward to delivering the Lyon’s heir. There’s just one problem….Andre and Rhonda were having the first Lyon’s baby. Boo Boo decided she knew just how to get rid of that problem. After watching The Godfather, she figured one quick push down the stairs would get rid of that baby bump that just sprouted on Rhonda. Yeah, my jaw dropped because I didn’t see that coming.

Camilla (Naomi Campbell) returned ready to exact her revenge. Turns out she was married to Mimi (Marissa Tomei) and the two of them were plotting a takeover of Empire. Mimi recorded Lucious badmouthing the board, then called for a vote to oust him. After some maneuvering and sucking up (literally for Thirsty, the lawyer)….the Lyons thought they had enough votes to keep Lucious as head. But online casino alas….the last vote came down to Hakeem No-Last-Name. He thought about all the dirt his daddy had done, and he gave the final vote to oust Lucious.

A devastated Lucious shot up his office. Crying about all he gave for his boys. Cookie talked him off the ledge….and for a moment, I thought he’d have a heart. But I’m convinced Lucious has no heart because as the American Sound Awards announced the song of the year, both Lucious and Jamal were nominated and Lucious looked his son in the face and said, “You’re done, b*tch.” I wonder is it too late for Jamal to change his vote….

And it’s wrap….that’s it until March 2016. Were you among the millions who bailed? What did you think of the Season Finale?

PS – Let’s play spot the celebrities in this episode….Rosie O’Donnell, Alicia Keys, Da Brat, Vivica A. Fox, Tasha Smith, Naomi Campbell, Jason Durelo….am I missing anyone? You think it’s too much???

PPS – If I ever get in trouble I want a lawyer like Thirsty….He will do ANYTHING for the team ‪#‎Not10MillionDollarsGood‬

PPPS – Pepsi, your commercial was cool and all….but it still didn’t beat the Tyrese Coke commercial from back in the day

PPPPPPPPPPPPS – I love, love, love me some pink….just not on Becky….sigh

If you missed any of the recaps, check them out at http://www.reshondatatebillingsley.com/recaps/
Oh, and feel free to buy a book while you’re there! See you in March!

Somebody get me some Dr. Miracle”s because Shonda done snatched out all my edges…All right, I know some of you weren”t feeling tonight’s Winter finale…and while the Olitz (Olivia and Fitz) tennis love match works my nerve…this episode had my mouth wide open. So here’s your recap!

Tonight’s episode opened with a Parental Discretion disclaimer….My first thought was, all the screwing that goes on on this show, NOW they decide to do a disclaimer…I wasn’t expecting this. What was THIS? We’ll get to that in a minute.

The episode opened with Liv all up in the White House like she was Jackie O…picking out china, conducting tours, and losing her frigging mind as she played First Lady. Liv thought she was about to get a real problem to solve when the Senator asked for her help….but the Senator wanted help finding a Cookie recipe.

The good ol boys basically told Mellie to shut up, look cute, and vote for their bill. Fiesty Mellie showed up right before the vote and decided not to play ball. She pulled a filibuster to stall the spending bill and keep Planned Parenthood from being defunded. Liv watched….drooling at the power moves Mellie was playing. Mellie was losing steam and couldn’t keep up the 16 hours she needed to filibuster…so Liv handled it, sending in the VP to give Mellie a much-needed pee break.

Lizzie hit it and quit it with David….and when he tried to give her a Christmas gift, she pulled a dude move and told David they weren’t in the gift-giving category…Ricki Lake, I mean, Susan, the VP, showed up, looking like a lovesick 13 year old. She gave David a gift and in true trifling fashion, he regifted the braclet Liz rejected and gave it to Susan. Ol Liz wasn”t too hardcore because she got in her feelings when she later noticed the VP wearing the bracelet.

And the “Slayed It” award goes to Huck! Poppa Pope was trying to figure out what was Huck’s plan. (He should know Huck is the strong, silent, completely crazy type). Poppa Pope talked about Huck’s kid, so Huck came this close to snapping – and snapping Rowan”s neck. Instead, he just leaned in and talked about Liv, asking Rowan, “Which white boy do you approve of being inside of your daughter?” …Poppa Pope was trying to play mind games, but that only works on folks with normal minds….‪#‎HuckingCrazy‬

Jake tracked down Lazarus…the real Lazarus. Poppa Pope tried to tell everyone it wasn’t him. Turned out it was Brian White, who they brought back just to have Jake put a bullet in his head.

Now, to the parental discretion….some of y’all may have seen that coming but I did not. At all. I’m wondering what she’s doing at the clinic when she needs to be at the state dinner. And two seconds later, Liv was laying on the table, having an abortion! Yes, online casino Shonda went there. Now somebody needs to tell me who dat baby’s pappy????

Be Careful what you wish for…Mellie tried to warn Liv….Sidepieces think the grass is greener….get over there and see its Astroturf. Liv stormed home from the clinic and since her wine wouldn’t do it….headed for the hooch. Fitz demanded to know what was going on and they had a HUGE fight…Thats what happens when the side chick becomes the main chick….you get the main chick problems. He told her she liked him unavailable.

She yelled that he wanted her to be his property. They went back and forth til Fitz gave her the ultimate diss – “You’re worse than Mellie.” Bottom line…Liv ain”t no homeade brownies kind of chick. So she packed her stuff and strutted out the White House and back to her apartment and her popcorn and her fishbowl of wine.

Now….I know some of you wanted an edge of your seat cliffhanger, but this was a different kind of quiet ending. Poppa Pope and Jake broke bread….Liv ordered a new sofa (who thought she was telling another guy to come up?)….Quinn was able to get her some dysfunctional loving from Charlie….the ending allowed us to exhale….Having said that, what makes, no what MADE, Olivia the bomb, was the “Its handled”…so here’s to hoping when they come back Feb. 11th, she can get back to the business of handling…

PS—I wish that filibuster stuff was really fiction…

PPS—Find Olivia a new boo….I mean, how many seasons can they go back and forth?

PPPS—We’re not gonna even talk about that super recovery Liv had after her abortion…

So, what did you think? Underwhelmed or Satisfied? And who do you think was the baby”s daddy?

So happy to see ‪#‎Empire‬ rebounding from those first couple of shows. Well let’s get to recapping…this episode kicked off with Lucious getting his secret daughter, I mean new protege’ hyped to do battle with Hakeem. ThugTasia came out the gate, firing shots at Hakeem….saying she’s the son Lucious never had. I was looking for someone to hand Hakeem some Liquid Stitch because Freda Gatz tore him a new one….. Of course, the baby Lyon was not to be outdone. He challenged Freda to a rap battle. I’ll admit, I wasn’t expecting too much from Hakeem, but he brought it! Freda got in some jabs, but he got in that Holly Holms kick that laid Freda out. Not only did he outrap her, but he ended it by dropping his last name.

While Hakeem was getting hyped for his rap battle, BooBoo Kitty was learning what happens when you dont wrap it up. That kidnapping sex Hakeem dropped on her left her with a little bun and I’m not talking about the Cinnabon special. In true let-me-take-a-second-test-because-I-can’t-beleive-this-ish fashion, the EPT confirmed that she was WAB (with a baby). BooBoo Kitty headed over to break the news to Hakeem but before she could tell him, he informed her that he’s in love…with someone else.

Laz and Hakeem got into a fight because Hakeem doesn’t trust his mama’s boo. Cookie slapped the mess outta Laz for messing with her baby.

Jamal tried to solicit help from his mother and father for his song for Pepsi, but of course, they couldn’t get along, so he decided to work on his own and merge something from both parents. He got the deal and ……yawn……

Cookie’s sister, Candy (ok, Candace, played by Vivica A. Fox) showed up to tell her their other sister had left town….and left her kids behind. The sisters obviously have a strained relationship and I can’t wait to online casino see what kind of havoc they create. (Psst, Lee, I’m still open to play Cousin Brownie)…

Hakeem’s dramatic dissing of his last name spurred a memory of when Lucious was a homeless biracial little boy and came up with the last name Lyons because he saw a statue of a lion….

Awww snap, BooBoo Kitty bout to snap! Somebody slip her some of Andre’s meds, because she is losing her mind! Hakeem walked his girl to the car, but when she got in, the camera shifted to the front seat and it was BooBoo Kitty wearing one of Becky’s wigs! Wonder what she’s planning for her competition. Poor BooBoo Kitty….dumped by father and son….somebody tell her a desperate Cougar aint cute. .

Well, that”s it for this week……My timeline used to be filled with Empire posts….now you have to scroll….and scroll….and scroll….But if you stopped watching, you can still read my recaps!

PS-Rhonda is 32 months pregnant…and finally got a baby bump!

PPS – I don’t know which family is more dysfunctional….the Lyons or the Popes…

PPPS – My fav, Alicia Keys is on next week…but ummm, is she playing a lesbian singer struggling with her truth?…I see the memes coming…

Well, Papa Pope made me come out of Recap Retirement! So here”s your Scandal recap!

Papa Pope and his monologues are back! He showed up at Liv’s place to tell her he’s not the devil she thinks he is. Well, at least not anymore. In fact, he told her, he was being hunted and in true Shakespearean form, told her he was proud of who she’d become, but in case he didn’t make it, watch her back. Liv, if something has your daddy spooked, you should be too. I’m just saying…

Navid, a foreign translator, begged Liv to help him escape his terroristic leaders. He promised to give the US info on a nuclear facility disguised as a soda factory, if Fitz would give him asylum. Since Fitz is kitty-whipped he did whatever the Commander-in-Chiefess suggested. Liv thought Navid lied when they found nothing at the soda factory. Ricki Lake, I mean Susan, the ditzy Vice President, bought time while they dug for the truth. Huck’s keen eye discovered that the soda factory was indeed a nuclear spot and after trying to off himself rather than go back to his country, Navid was given asylum.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch….as the team worked to try and verify Navid’s info, Quin told Marcus he needs to learn to speak Gladiator (real fast, and like everything is an emergency). Harrison never got a love interest so Shonda can we get somebody for Marcus real soon? (Raises hand because I did have two lines in a movie. Have your people call my people…)

I know y’all like plain white bread Jake…but his tough guy routine just doesn’t work for me. Although I am glad he’s not letting Liv ride his train anymore.

Jake enlisted Huck’s help to bring down Rowan, saying “If you see a cockroach step on it”…but Huck, was like “Nah, Bruh….I put that animal away and I”m not trying to bring him back out.”

Liv and Fitz were laying up in the Oval Office like he’s not still married. She wanted to tell him that online casino she helped Rowan escape but every time she opened her mouth, Fitz’s glistening chest got her sidetracked, so she never came clean.

David got his revenge on Liv by having her arrested for helping her daddy escape. As Roberta crooned in the background Fitz asked a despondent Olivia to tell him the truth….Did she help Rowan escape? Shonda didn’t want us to hear what she said but her lip sync was enough to send a horrified Fitz toward the door. Obviously, that door is revolving because these two need to be playing in Wimbledon as much back and forth they do. (Sidenote: Tell the truth, how many of y’all adjusted your volume trying to hear what Liv was saying?)

Jake went hunting for Rowan and found Tom either dead or out cold. But Papa Pope was nowhere to be found. That’s because Huck let his crazy out anyway and kidnapped Rowan.

Well, Fitz’s anger lasted all of one commercial break. He promptly moved Liv’’s belongings into the White House, telling her that was her new home. Yes, the president is shacking up at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Papa Pope told Liv he’s not the one she should be afraid of. That got me to wondering, who is? Something tells me Cy is going to be at the center of Lazarus 1. But we’ll see….

Next week is the winter finale….and Huck is thisclose to hucking Rowan up. Do you think Papa Pope’s days are numbered?

Is anybody even still hanging in there with Scandal or have all the former Gladiators jumped ship????

PS – I hope the cleaning crew bleaches down the White House because folks be having sex E’RYWHERE!

PPS- Can somebody get Cy a boy toy or something because he needs his juice back. Fitz talks to the First Dog better than him.

PPPS – Can we carve the turkey before you put up the Christmas tree????

PPPPS – That sound track tho…