Empire Recap, 10/7/15

Empire Recap: Come back to Empire because Empire is back! Before we begin, can we take a moment to thank the Powers That Be for bringing back Timbaland!!! #‎MusicRocked

All right, this episode opened with Lucious inviting his family over for Thanksgiving dinner. He asked them to forget their little Lyon’s Den project and come back to Empire and they told him where he could go. After exchanging words, Cookie let it be known that she was always gonna get hers….just not with him. Then she had every black grandmother in America fussing, when she made a dramatic exit and wasted all that good food.

Chris Rock/Frank Gatz”s daughter, the thugged-out Fantasia, rolled up to Empire with the 2Dumb Crew to take Lucious up on his offer to give her a rap deal. Since her crew didn’t understand the big words like ‘Contract” and ‘Royalty’ they bounced back to the hood.

BooBoo ‘Needs to pick a side” Kitty met with Lucious, who tried to get her back by telling her she was dirty anyway, decided she’d rather work with Cookie. So after groveling and delivering a classic “You are badder than all the animals whose prints populate your wardrobe” line, she convinced Cookie to bring her back on board.

Poor little Jamal….He can’t get no respect….He keeps trying to assert his authority but it’s just not working…He just needs to go sing at the Sky Bar or something….Although his song with with that Bulldog, I mean Pit Bull, was kinda haute (I need some rap lessons because I didn’t know who Pit Bull was)…

Lucious threw himself a coming home party….(Cue Aretha Franklin’s ‘Chain, Chain, Chain) and Cookie bum rushed the stage, wearing the newest outfit from the Mr. T collection and a Grace Jones crimped out Marley mohawk. She introduced Hakeem, who came out rapping some words I didn’t understand, but did have me bobbing my head.

Andre used Rhonda’s questionable pregnancy (I’m gonna need to see her pee on a stick) to get back in with his daddy. Instead of being happy, Lucious wondered about the baby’s mental state. Then, there was a flashback to biracial little Lucas and his mama in her impulsive bipolar state sitting in front of their plastic-covered sofa….Lucious shook away the memory, hugged his son, then called him out for using his child….before kicking him out. Poor Andre….he’s one 45 minute show away from starring in an episode of Snapped

Lucious went to the projects in search of Thug Fantasia. He rolled up on her in a rap battle with a fake Biggie…Of course, fake Biggie said some lyrics I needed translated…but it made Thug Fantasia so mad, she pulled out a gat and started firing. (Of course, then everyone best online casino else pulled out their guns as well). Lucious tried to talk to her while the sirens wailed in the background. They must’ve taken the long way to the hood, because we heard sirens for about 15 minutes and no cops….

Lucious pulled a Pope Pope, rolling up on Jamal as he was running back to mama. He got Jamal in check, then went to stop Cookie and Hakeem’s debut of their new girl group, the Latina 3LW. He stopped them all right…by not only signing away their lead singer, but buying the radio station they were about to appear on as well. (Cookie, Imma need you to get some legal counsel because why did you have those girls practicing without a contract???)

Somebody buy Lucious a case of Tide because this dude is DIRTY!!!! It is definitely game time for the dysfunctional Lyon’s clan! And I can’t wait to see how it all unfolds. Now, let me get back to writing so I can build my own Empire and have my kids fighting over who’s going to write my books!

PS—Cookie, 1986 called, they want their gold hoop earrings back

PPS- Lucious-Please hook your attorney from the Wire up with your tailor….those Easter suits look like they itch

PPPS- Every time I see that stalking district attorney I hear “Rickkkkkk-yyyyyy!”

PPPPPPPPPPPPPS—FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS YAKY, PLEASE get Becky some 1B, 4, 2, shoot, I’ll even take some 33!

Whew, see you next week…by the way, did you check out that line from Cookie in the preview of next week “If I die in police custody, I did not commit suicide!” #‎LoveIt #‎Empire

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Scandal Recap, 10/1/15

RECAP: If you haven’t seen Scandal….keep reading at your own risk!

Okay, let me begin at the end….Honestly, I was just about to roll my eyes at Fitz going back to Mellie and Liv with Jake (thinking, are we just gonna keep recycling this story)….BUT THEN, Liv strutted out that car, thru the press mob, and when they asked was she the president’s mistress, this chick turned around and said, “Yes!”

Whew, didn’t see that one coming!

But let me back up to the beginning….this episode opened with pics of America’s mistress, Monica Lewinsky, I mean Olivia Pope creeping in the White House, floating all around Cyberspace and the press out for blood. Liv did what she does best, run. Of course, work takes her mind off of everything so she picked up a case. Rich kid kills his dad and goes on the run. (You know Liv is in a bad place because she went to work in a t-shirt and jeans – wonder will that be in the Limited Collection…)

Anyway, Liv pulled a smooth bounty hunter move and handcuffed the rich kid until Jake took the Shondaland Express from DC to North Carolina and arrived by Liv’s side in 62.3 seconds. Someone recognized Liv and had to take a pic for their FB page and in no time, Liv was mobbed by folks trying to take selfies, so the little killer escaped. In a not-so-dramatic fashion, Liv and Jake found him and had him arrested. Yawn.

Meanwhile, Cy was watching the White House implode over LivGate from every streaming device in his house…..he found it quite hilarious and tried to offer Abby some words of wisdom. Fitz heard Liv had run back to Jake so he ran back to Mellie. He took the First Lady up on her offer to come home and pretend the pics were fake so they could go back to their fake marriage and not mess up her political aspirations. Mellie was smiling like she had those Powerball numbers I’m trying to hit this weekend. She packed her bags and went to reclaim her man. By the way, turns out the new so-non-threatening press secretary, Lizzie (I think that’s her name) leaked the pics of Olitz in hopes of getting Liv away from the president.

Who wrote Huck’s medical clearance to return to work??? #‎NotReady Quinn reminds me of those folks that taunt the tiger thru the bars, then wonder why the animal bites their arm off. These two need a theme song: CrazyInLove.

Speaking of theme songs, the music score was great in this episode…they ended on Do Right Woman….but I have a couple of other suggestions…

Liv & Fitz & Jake – Break up to Make up

Mellie & Fitz –Love the one you’re With

Cy – Where Are the Children (Is there an Amber Alert for Cy’s chocolate baby???)

What did you think of this episode? Are you still hanging in, or have you jumped the Scandal ship? Next week looks like it’s going to be HOT! Mellie is hot grits mad and ready to take Olivia out!

PS – Jake needs a girlfriend. And a personality.

PPS – Why do I want to be in the Mary J., Kerry, & Taraji Apple commercial???


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Empire Recap, 9/30/2015

Here’s your Hustle and Flow, the Sequel Recap! For the first time since the series aired, I actually started losing focus and wondering what I was going to cook for dinner tomorrow…But, I guess every episode can’t have you on the edge of your seat.

This one opened up with Cookie and her boys (minus one) storming out of Empire and heading over to a crack house to open their own studio. In true black mama fashion, Cookie showed up at Jamal’s interview (where he and Dora professed their love for the camera) like she hadn’t just slapped the taste out of his mouth multiple times. She let him know, ‘I love you, but I’m starting my own company and about to take you down!’

Hakeem wanted to start a Rainbow Coalition girl group. But after some American Idol (first round) type auditions, he gave up that idea and took a hot little mamacita to his favorite place where he takes all his women – the bathtub.

Meanwhile, Lucious was at Rikers. Well, it wasn’t really Rikers, I hear it was a detention center in Chicago, but that casting call must’ve said, “Wanted: Thugs” because those extras were HARD… Rapper Ludacris was this week’s celebrity appearance, making his debut as a cop harboring anger issues. Lucious was whispering with Jamal (anyone else have to turn their volume all the way up when Lucious talks???) Some Thirsty looking lawyer in his Easter Sunday suit was eavesdropping and offered to represent Lucious….He arranged for Lucious to get some recording equipment and start Death Row Records, II and Lucious and his inmate friends recorded some God-awful song about female dogs and snitching…..Officer Luda came in, shut down the party and took their kiddie keyboard. Well, you know Lucious wasn’t going out like that. The slimy, shiny suit new attorney paid someone to jump Luda, get the keyboard back and viola, they had an instant hit on the radio!

Andre should’ve learned the first rule of job quitting 101…don’t quit one job til the other is in the bag. He told Cookie to let him go because the crack house aggravated his allergies….He went to Lucious and said he wanted to return to Empire and Daddy Lyons whispered, “I hope God forgives you because I don’t.” A tearful Andre asked his father why he hated him so much….Lucious flashed back to memory of when he was a biracial boy and Kelly Rowland was his mom…We got a glimpse of her mental illness, which explains his rejection of Andre.

The episode ended with Cookie cleaning up her new building (the crack house wasn’t cutting it). I don’t know why she didn’t roll by Home Depot and pick up some day laborers to help her clean but we can expect a big battle from her new company, Lyon’s Dynasty. And slimy lawyer blackmailed the judge with some kinky pics and Lucious got out on bail! It’s Game time!

That’s it for this week. It’s been what, a whole season and one episode… so I’ll give a pass on this not-so-exciting episode because I was still entertained! What did you think? Will you be back?

PS – Things I don’t ever have to see again….1) Tianna in a nude body stocking; 2) Chris Rock as a gangsta; and 3) Luda as an angry Black cop

PPS – I haven’t been in a courtoom in a minute, but is cleavage part of the prosecution attire?

PPPS – About that music score….PAGING TIMBALAND…..

Do you think you could’ve written a better episode than what aired tonight? Then why don’t you try it! And guess what, we’ve got some new digital workshops that can help you out. Check it out at www.WritersProWorkshops.com #‎TryingToBuildMyOwnEmpire #‎Empire

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Scandal Season Premiere, 9/24/2015

It’s baaaaack…..No, for real, it’s back. Scandal’s season premiere brought us back to the old pre-Kizzie Olivia kidnapping storyline of last season. So, let’s get ready to RECAP!

But first, this commercial break…In case you didn’t know, this RECAP contains stuff that happened in tonight’s episode. (I mean, that’s why it’s called a RECAP, but just in case you weren’t clear)….Okay, carry on….

The season premiere opened up with Liv and Fitz together again…..getting hot and heavy in the bedroom, while Self-righteous Sally on her TMZ-turned-political show bashed her former boss for wasting money on a big shindig for the Royal Family. Sally needs to co-host this show with Mike Huckabee because she’s so doggone righteous….I mean, can someone, anyone, remind this chick that she killed her husband??? Oh, I guess she got a Commandment pass so she’s good….

Cut to Liv and Fitz having passionate sex…

Back to Liv and Abby, who broke cardinal rule number one and talked about someone in the women’s restroom without checking the stalls. They were running their mouths when Princess Diana, I mean Princess Emily, emerged.

Cut to Liv and Fitz having more sex.

Liv and Fitz went their separate ways at the state dinner and tried to pretend they weren’t a couple, although the goo-goo eyes they gave each other all night was a dead giveaway. Mellie tried to clown Lizzie, who is the new Chief of Staff for the president. Lizzie quickly shot the new Senator down, telling Mellie, she might have been her b*tch before, before she’s the head b*tch so she wouldn’t be bowing down anymore.

Talk about bringing somebody down….After being sworn in as a Senator with Fitz by her side, Mellie gave her husband the ‘together we can conquer the world’ nbso online casino reviews speech and that gangster Lucious, I mean Fitz, responded by serving her with divorce papers. Mellie and her fake cry went to Cyrus, who opened his front door looking like, “Damn, why don’t y’all leave me alone…” Mellie tried to get Cy to come work for her. He said no, but something tells me since Fitz fired him last season, that no just may mean yes…

Mama don’t take no mess, The paparazzi was chasing the Princesses car, causing an accident that left her dead. Liv pulled out a suitcase full of cash and commenced to try to round up all the photos taken by the paparazzi. Eventually, Liv and Quin found out the accident was no accident and in fact, was a cold-hearted assassination, planned by The Queen herself! Turns out Princess Emily was no Angel and was screwing around with her bodyguard. Emily was pregnant so rather than go on Maury to try and see who the baby daddy was, the Queen took matters into her own hands. (I ain’t saying I agree with the Queen, but as a mother of a son, I get it)

Don’t get me wrong, I like Olitz (Liv and Fitz)….but she sure has some ethics to be a side chick for so long. Now that Fitz is free, he wanted to go public, but Liv convinced him to wait. But uh, too late, Abby busted into their spit-swapping session and told them Sally was running a special report….they were cold busted. Someone had installed cameras in the White House and the Secret Lovers were no more.

Next week….the secret is out and All hell breaks loose!! I can’t wait! What did you think of the season premiere?‪#‎Scandal‬

PS – By the way Liv….Be careful what you wish for. You may have Fitz now…but that just means the mistress spot is now open…

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