Drip…drop….drip….drippity….drop …that’s me sprinkling some holy oil around my TV….All right, now that that’s done, let me give you your #Empire recap.
Andre rolled up in Club Empire and it clearly made him uncomfortable. He wasn’t feeling the lap dances and Sodom and Gomorrah partying.
Tiana was robbed by a chick with a razor under her tongue and jacked for her purse. (I mean your headquarters are in the hood, what did you expect?) Cookie realized she was being shaken down by some neighborhood thugs.
These Brohs aint loyal – Dora, I mean, Michael, the hanger-oner was well, hanging on. The creepy-looking painter tried to convince Jamal that a mouth is a mouth and tried to take him in ways that just ain’t right for prime time TV. Jamal rebuffed him, professing his love for Micahel. So, painter dude (who looks like he’s carrying seven STDs)…. went for Jamal’s boo. Jamal walked in on the act and threatened to Red Painter Dude (that’s from the Five Heartbeats for the slow folks) before throwing him out….and Becky got in a punch for good measure. Hopefully, Jamal threw Michael out right behind him.
Adam!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In one celebrity appearance that definitely gets my approval, Adam (I didn’t catch his name) met with Cookie to become her promoter and from the looks of things, steal her heart. Portia brought a Doberman, I mean a mutt named Whooptie Woo to protect Lyon’s Dynasty, but Adam looks like he has that covered, stopping some goons Lucious had sent to break into Cookie’s studio. (Adam and Taraji need to just go on and hook up. Isnt this the third movie they’ve done together?) #WheresTyrese
Andre went to visit Rev. Rice, who told him his house ain’t clean if his closets are dirty. So Andre started confessing his sins. He told Jamal and Hakeem he was behind the robbery at their studio last year. He told Lucious, he was behind the blackmail. He told Cookie he’d done bad things and like a true mama, she told him to shut up talking. Andre wanted everyone to come to his baptism – including Lucious who originally said he wasn’t coming “to オンライン カジノ watch Andre get dunked in tap water.”
Guess when you get murder charges dismissed and dig up dead bodies…you can make yourself at home. And Thirsty, the shady lawyer, did just that – so he was all up in the boss’s office fixing drinks and lounging….til Andre kicked him out. Thug-Tasia was in the studio getting fatherly advice from her father’s murderer, I mean friend. Sidenote, I must be old because this gangsta rap makes my head hurt. #BringBackTupac
At Andre’s baptism Lucious had flashbacks to his bipolar mother dunking him in water as she sang gospel songs. The memory sent him running out the church. This episode wrapped up with Hakeem taking a jog through the park when he was kidnapped by thugs. Looks like on the next episode, the Lyons will put aside their bickering to bring Hakeem home. This family gives new meaning to the phrase, I can mess with you, but no one else can!
PS – Can somebody get Jamal some shirts with some buttons
PPS – Andre….might want to run by CVS and pick up an EPT because that baby aint bumping
PPPPPPPPPPPPSSSSS – So I like REALLY like Empire….but umm, Lee and Danny, I’m not feeling this playing with God thing. #GoingToCleanOutMyClosests