Welp, I’m definitely re-inspired by #Scandal! So let me recap this episode of What Really Goes On in DC…I mean Scandal…
The show opened with a “60 Minutes” special, detailing Olivia Pope’s life….her privileged upbringing, amazing accolades and tantalizing Thotness. In fact, the media covered her like CNN covered that Malyasia plane crash – 24-7….Liv got more coverage than Donald Trump and it was driving her crazy. (If you can’t take the heat, stay out the president’s bed. ijs)
Quin pulled out her girl clothes to go meet Marcus (the brother from the powerful Michael Brown-inspired episode last year). She offered him a job as a Fast-talking Gladiator. He promptly turned her down….made it home, realized his lights were about to be cut off because he was so broke, and headed back to take Quin up on her offer. Marcus is about to be my new favorite character. On a side note, I wonder is Columbus sitting at home going, ‘He ain’t all that’… On another side note, if Marcus ever needs a love interest, someone let Shonda know I’m a bonafide actress who can play a Cougar very well.
I was happy to see crazy Charlie back. (I don’t know why I like that psychopath). But he and Jake took the Shondaland Express to Paris to deal with yet another foreign espionage situation that I don’t have a clue about….It only took 2,398 episodes, but Jake finally got another girl – his ex-wife. Yep, ol’ Jake was married. Something about him not waiting for her in a train station caused them to split. After getting shot by Shonda only knows who….Jake told her to come back to the states with him.
Meanwhile, the women of the Senate called a meeting saying they wanted to impeach Fitz for being a online casino ho. Mellie wasn’t down but Cyrus gave her his Superbowl halftime motivational speech trying to get her to change her mind. Mellie ended up firing Cy. Poor Cyrus. He can’t catch a break.
Cancel the Amber Alert….Baby Teddy has been located! Finally, Mellie and Fitz remembered they were parents and played hide and seek with their adorable tot! Well, I guess we still need that alert for Cy’s chocolate drop. He gave a whole soliloquy about fatherhood and I thought finally, he’s talking about his daughter. Only he wasn’t…..he was talking about being a father to Fitz. Cy doesn”t just need a break, he needs therapy.
Fitz got to wheeling and dealing and offering up deals to the good ol’ boys to get them to get off his back. (Why do I feel like this is really how they make deals in DC). Some pasty head, Kojak-looking senator told Fitz to kill the Brandon bill (thats the gun control bill Fitz had in honor of the black kid that was shot by police last season) or else he would lead the call to impeach Fitz. Then, right before he left, he told Fitz that next time, he should “Choose a girl that’s more palatable to the base.” For the slow folks, that means, stay away from dark meat. Yes, Shonda went there.
Marcus went into PR mode, pulling the race card on every media outlet for their portrayal of Liv, and effectively shutting them down. He told Quinn and Huck, “This is how I gladiate!” Yep, he definitely will be a breath of fresh air.
Sick of the way the media had been treating Liv, President ‘Big Pimpin’ Fitz said ‘Let me give these folks something to talk about!” He rolled out his motorcade like he was going to a UN Delegation meeting….and headed to Liv’s house. With the media going crazy, he grabbed Liv and said “I’m taking my woman on a date!”
Awwww…..except Mellie wasn’t feeling the lovefest. She went back to the lady Senators and said let’s get this impeachment ball rolling!
Things are surely heating up….Until next week…
PS — I hope that tease for next week isn”t of Liv changing her mind again. Good grief. First you want him, then you don’t, then you do, then you don’t. Liv’s got more flip flops than an Old Navy summer sale…
PPS- Speaking of sales…Dear Limited, when will that sweater Liv had on at the end be in stock??
PPS – I need somebody to break Poppa Pope outta prison. I need some monologues in my life.